Of Ignorance and Innocence
by JodithGrace
Summary: Cordy and Angel the morning after..if they ever have one. An all dialoge fic just for fun.


Of Ignorance and Innocence

By Jody E.

These Characters do not belong to me. I merely toy with them for my own amusement.

Sort of a sequel to Spilling the Beans

Angel?

What? Huh…sorry, I guess I fell asleep.

Angel…are you…okay?

Okay? Oh. Yes, Cordy…I'm okay. You don't have to worry. 

You sure?

Positive. And you can put down that stake.

What stake?

The one you had hidden under the mattress.

Oh..._that _stake. 

What else do you have under there, holy water, a few crosses?

Well, uh, I….

It's okay, Cordy. I don't blame you, honey. You would have been foolish not to be …prepared. But you _can _put the stake down now. Honestly.

How do I know? How do I know you're not just _pretending _to be all sweet and…cuddly? And then the moment I put down the stake…boom!

__

Boom? (sigh) I don't know, Cordy. How can I prove to you that I still have my soul?

Let me think. Well, I did fall asleep, which I was _so_ not going to do. And you didn't kill me, so I guess that proves something.

Well, I'd like to say that you're right, Cordy, but the truth is…Angelus would never have just killed you in you sleep, like that. He, uh…I would have wanted you to suffer a whole lot more than that.

Yeah. I remember.

But wait…where's Dennis?

Dennis? Lurking around somewhere. I did kick him out of the bedroom last night, so you don't have to worry about …oh. Dennis.

Yes. He protects you, right?

Right! And he would be the first to sense if you had lost your soul, bedroom door, or no bedroom door. And he would have thrown your evil butt right out the window! Okay. The stake goes!

Good. That's much better. Now come back over here. Mmmm.

Cordy, are you all right?

F-fine, Angel. J-just fine.

Are you crying?

No.

Yes, you are. You're getting my chest all wet. Sweetheart, what's the matter? Are you sorry we…

Oh Angel….y-you're going to think I am totally stupid and s-selfish.

No, I'm not, baby, Tell me what's wrong.

I-I didn't make you h-happy!

__

What? Oh my God, Cordy. Cordy. 

Well, we finally make love, after wanting to for _months_, and, and guess what, the good news is that you didn't lose your soul.... but the bad news is that you-you didn't lose your soul. Putting me right down there with Darla on the happy meter.

Listen, Cordy. It doesn't work like that. I swear.

Well, then explain it to me again, Angel, because there's something I'm missing here.

First of all, I love you Cordy. I know I told you last night, but I want to tell you again. I love you. And last night was _wonderful_. Okay? Second, I would never have let last night happen...if I seriously thought I was putting you, or my soul in jeopardy. Though I understand the stake, I really do.

Well, I know that it's not sex, itself, that causes the clause to kick in. Or you would have lost your soul after you and _Darla_…

Right. After that, I finally figured out that the idea behind the clause, as I understand it, is that one moment of perfect happiness breaks the curse, and I become Angelus again. Sex is just a possible catalyst.

Exactly. And Buffy gave it to you, and I didn't.

Cordy listen. Let me see if I can explain this. Let's sit up. It's a bit easier to talk. And think.

Okay. But now I'm chilly. I think I'll put on my robe….Dennis! You are not supposed to be in here! I can do it myself. Scram! There, that's better. Talk, Angel, and make it good.

Look, I've discovered that in life, there are some things that, once lost, can never be recovered, no matter what you do. Like virginity, for example. I mean Madonna can put on a white veil and sing, 'Like a virgin,' but nobody's buying it, right? 

Right. 

Well, ignorance and innocence are the same way. Once you know something, you can never un-know it, and once you see how the world really is, it's impossible to go back to the rosy view you once had. 

Tell me about it. That's sure true about show business. What I thought it was, and what it really is. I can never feel the same way about it. 

Well, when I made love to Buffy, I wasn't exactly a virgin, but I was ignorant and innocent, as odd as that seems. I had no idea that the happiness clause existed. I would never have gone near her if I had known what would happen. I also didn't realize what I was capable of. Sure, I knew what I had been like before the curse. I had no illusions there. But after all those years of guilt and trying to fight the good fight, to know that I could revert, in an instant, back to the monster I was before….it just never dawned on me.

And the one person who did know…Miss Calendar, never told you.

Yeah….Well, anyway, when Buffy and I were together that night, her total love for me, and trust in me...made me forget momentarily what I was. For that one moment I thought we had a future together and we could live happily ever after. I guess that was all that was needed, and we all know what happened…… But the fact is, Cordy, now that I know about the clause, and I know the monster that lurks under my surface, I can never be that ignorant, innocent person again. That knowledge is always there, even when I am happy….. When I first saw Connor….my first thought was that he was a miracle, followed immediately by the thought that I do not deserve him. As happy as he makes me, I can never forget what I am, and what I can do. That fear alone, of harming my precious boy, keeps me from ever actually harming him, do you see?

I think so. I was wondering about that…you seem so happy when you're with Connor. 

I am happy. I just never forget. 

And Darla?

Darla. I've been waiting for that other shoe to drop ever since she waddled into our office. You've been the soul of restraint, there, Cordy.

Yeah. I've been a saint. So, let me get this straight, Angel. At the time you slept with Darla, you still thought that sex was the trigger, right? So I will simply ask you…what the HELL were you thinking!?

I wasn't. I was in total despair that night. Rock bottom. I had lost you…and Wes and Gunn, kicked you out of my life. I had just been shown hell on earth, courtesy of the late, great Leland Holland. Darla had been driving me crazy for months, in those dreams and for real, and I had failed to save her. I didn't care about her…I didn't even care about Kate, who at that point was trying to kill herself across town. I didn't care about anything or anyone…I just wanted to end my pain. If I had given it one moment of rational thought, I would have realized that I was taking you all down with me. For surely you would have been my first targets. But I didn't think, Cordy. That's my only excuse. What Darla and I did that night, was as far away from happiness as you could get. That's one thing I don't understand…we came together in such hatred. Yet in that one act, Connor was conceived, against all possibility, I came back to life and hope, and Darla was led to perform the only unselfish act of her existence. How can such a thing be?

I don't know, Angel. I guess some things are beyond our understanding. You know, I actually feel sorry for Darla. She never really had anything. 

I know. 

Would you like some coffee? I could use some. Lots actually.

In a minute. There are a few more things I wanted to say.

Wow. Now that I finally get you talking…I can't shut you up. 

This won't take long. It's about Buffy.

Oh great. Let's talk about her _some more!_

Cordy. I just wanted to tell you that my feelings for her….

(sigh) Will never die, I know.

No. Cordy. That's not what I was going to say. Sure part of me will always love her. She set me on the road I am on today. But that road led me here….to you, Cordy. And I'm not going back. That love belonged to the ignorant, innocent fool I was in those days. The vampire you are stuck with these days is much older and wiser, and as happy as it is possible to be and still be me. 

Happy, but never forgetting. I get it. I love you, Angel.

I love you. Why did we waste so much time, Cordy, you and I? 

Fear, I guess. So, how about that coffee?

Great. Hey do you get the Sunday paper? Since it looks like I'm trapped here for the day. I thought we could just kind of spend the day in bed. 

Yep. In fact, I think I even have a pint of essence de pig in the freezer for emergencies. I'll defrost it.

Do you often come upon pigs in need of transfusions? 

Hey, we heroine types are prepared for anything.

So I've noticed.

Uh, Angel. Speaking of being prepared…that whole baby thing with Darla…that was, like, a one time _only _miracle, right?

I have no idea.

Oh……Great. 

The End?


End file.
